if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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