this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
