Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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