hotel room ftw
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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