FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
