i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
