This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
