She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
