my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
