I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
