yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
They have beer where we have blood.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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