youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
