I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
