Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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