I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
