He asked to "fluff my boner.."
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
