she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
