need another drink. this is the easiest way
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
