addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
