Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
