Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
