Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
