someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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