Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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