there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
