dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
