even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
whose parrot is this?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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