you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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