I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
