I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
