woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
