this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
