I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize