Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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