I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
