her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
