I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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