How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
