Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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