it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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