walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
