well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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