it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize