I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
