Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
