Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
