Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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