you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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