i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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