Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
