I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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