After last night, I could never be a politician.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
