I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
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