so explain again why im purple
no
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
