Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
