I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
The maid of honor just puked.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Randomize
