one two three fourrrrnication!
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
