Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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