i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
