Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
