i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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