apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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