Buhtt sex?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
