No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
