I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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