You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
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