i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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