so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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