We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
