We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
